Can these be right? The wisdom of the internets says those are the lyrics to Merle Haggard's classic "I'm Gonna Break Every Heart I Can", but I don't buy it. For one thing, I always thought the line was "I'm gonna break every heart I can / Or my name ain't Merle" - it's a vow. "And all my name ain't Merle" makes no sense. Nor does the alleged line "I'd be a friend to the sweetest girl". That's the exact opposite of the sentiment of the song, it should read "I'll be a threat to the sweetest girl". The guy in the song - shall we say, the literary construct "Merle" - is a loser, a guy who's been dumped and bucking himself up by imagining romantic revenge. He'll "get even with womenkind", not "get evil". A travesty. And yet, it does sound like he sings "And all my name ain't Merle" when I listen close.
And that's how I spent the day: lying in bed listening to Merle Haggard and wimpering in pain. Lift with your legs, not with your back, people - I can't stress that enough. Tomorrow I'm supposed to carry tons of boxes all over creation. Yay.
I know not everyone cares for Neal Pollack, but I'll always thank him for this bit:
And I certainly don't want anyone to roll over and let the Bush Administration do what it wants. I just object to the pompous, official, elite tenor of the discussion. As evidence, I present this ridiculous New York Times Magazine piece by Walter Kirn, in which he discusses how dismayed he was in 1983 that his fellow Rhodes Scholars at Oxford looked down on him because he was an American. This, apparently, reflects on the way that ALL Europeans look at ALL Americans. He conflates his teenage insecurity into a global trend 20 years later. This sentence floored me: "In the eyes of my anti-American schoolmates I was, and always would be, Merle Haggard."
First of all, Merle Haggard is one of the best country songwriters of all time. Second of all, Walter Kirn would be lucky if he were compared with Merle Haggard. What would YOU rather have written: "Swingin' Doors," or that Times Magazine piece? Merle Haggard rules. Walter Kirn is a magazine writer and also an influential book critic. But I'm not against shooting my career in the foot. I will say my wacky catchphrase here for the last time: Shut up, Walter Kirn. Shut up.
Regular posting will resume when it no longer hurts to type. Or when the drugs kick in, whichever comes first.
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