A week or two ago Carolyn Zick had a post up about museum guards. One of the articles she linked to had a former Met guard answering the question "What’s the weirdest thing you encountered while working there?" I'm afraid what Carolyn learned is correct: the life of a museum guard just isn't all it's cracked up to be. I spent a year or so serving as a guard at a small art museum in Chicago. I don't have any stories that can compete with what the guy from the Met saw. I remember mostly the pain my legs were in after spending a whole shift standing on the concrete floors. Mostly it's what you would expect - a large number of people can't resist (or don't bother trying to) touching works on display, a smaller number (mostly students) routinely jab at works with their pencils without bothering to think they might strike them, etc. There was the family that toured the galleries on a rather warm day and, finding a room with a few empty benches, collapsed in exhaustion and curled up on them. But nothing really dramatic, just boredom in a woolen (or in my case, synthetic blend) prophylactic, just like the man talks about. I will say this: most museum guards divide into two types, the ones that want to talk to you and the ones who make fun of you with the other guards behind your back. So look sharp out there and avoid eye contact.